(356/366) Promise of Renewal

December 21, 2012 – Still here! No apocalypse today apparently!

So another year inches closer to the end, and the next one creeps forward to renew us.

What does this have to do with pine cones? Nothing really.

There you go.

But it did make me think about renewals. Todays was my last work day until January and I had an appointment for my chiropractor this afternoon. My shoulder has been bunged up since Prince George; stress has left me in some serious agony for the past three weeks. So I finally had an opportunity to get an appointment.

The downside was that I have known him for almost 20 years and I knew I’d end up in a conversation that would lead to telling him about Mom, and then I’d cry, and so it goes…

And that’s what happened. But one thing made me somewhat angry. I know he was trying to be kind. When he learned how Mom died he made a few supposedly comforting comments about heaven and belief, and it grated with me. There is no rationalization. There is no reason attached to belief. There is no reason attached to death. It happens. The dead are gone. The living continue. They remember. The sadness can be overwhelming some days. Don’t greet me with platitudes about beliefs and better places, those aren’t designed to make me feel better, they make you feel better because you can’t come to grips with an end. But everything does end. Eventually. And sometimes sooner than seems logical. And that’s just all there is to it. There is no meaning, no higher purpose, no plan.

Period.

So besides the fact that he hurt me physically, and he angered me emotionally, I’ll be back there in a week so he can hopefully finish puting me back together and I can enter the new year with a little less physical pain, although the emotional pain will last a long time.

But at least he knows and won’t ask me if I had a great Christmas. It will be quiet, it will be somewhat solitary.

But it will be.

Oh, and this whole end of the world thing has been laughable. Honestly, why do people believe in such foolishness? And why is one God more believable than another. They are all the same. What makes you think your imaginary man in the sky is the right one, why is someone else’s invisible being wrong and your right? Pick one imaginary friend and tell me why he/she is real and I’ll challenge you. Once upon a time you believed in Santa and the Easter Bunny, so why did you stop believing in those imaginary beings and not the one you still cling to?

Sorry, moderately irritable today.