Everyone has moods that change depending on the environment they are in, the experiences they have, the company they may be in at a moment in time. I was obviously in a frame of mind when I ordered this keychain on Etsy a couple of months ago.
I picked it up in Blaine recently had been trying to decide what to do with it.
In sociology, patriarchy is described as a form of social organization where cultural and institutional beliefs and values are dominated by men, leading to male-oriented decision-making and social organization. Scholars have highlighted the negative effects of patriarchy, seeing it as an issue of injustice similar to racism or classism, with researchers commonly identifying the consequences of patriarchy as differential access to power, authority, and opportunity by men.
Despite gains that women have made in society, there are still examples of patriarchy that challenge equitability.
The legal systems of Western society still have blatant examples of patriarchy, most notably (in the US) those regarding women’s access to birth control and their right to make choices about their bodies with respect to how, when, and with whom, …or even “if”… to start a family.
Gender pay gaps are still a problem. Women are still frequently paid less than men for equal work, they tend to do more part-time work and have less stability, and feminized careers still tend to pay less for work of similar value to higher-paid male-dominated industries.
Men continue to dominate the political system and are culturally seen as fitting into leadership roles more naturally than women; they tend to hold more positions of prestige and power than women do.
Women suffer more as a result of divorce than do men, they are stigmatized in a way that men are not. There is still, in many parts of North America, an expectation and encouragement for women to remain in a bad marriage.
There is still a bit of surprise in many circles when a women declines to take her husband’s name. The passing down of the male’s surname and the disappearance of the woman’s is a remnant of a patriarchal social structure.
There is often an expectation that men and women express different behaviours. Feminine behaviours are undervalued in meanwhile behaviours that are associated with masculinity are over-valued. Boys are encouraged the embrace masculine traits from an early age – don’t cry, girls cry, sissies cry, real men don’t cry!! Social messages in the media sphere, cultural traditions, family habits can all encourage the masculine ideal in boys and they are often subtly pushed towards idealizing and emulating masculine traits. At the same time, girls are often encouraged to view themselves in the position of mother, to pursue female careers, dress and behave in a feminine manner, to be seen and admired, but not heard, to be meek and submissive. Girls are taught to protect themselves against boys and men, to dress to avoid negative interactions, but boys are rarely taught to respect girls as equals.
The rhymes children are taught. “Snips and snails and puppy dog’s tails” vs “Sugar and spice and everything nice”….girls….be nice…..
Even the language that we are addressed with s adults. “Hey kiddo” “The girls are here” “Sweetie”…..it’s all depreciative, diminishing, language.
The world has improved, but there is still a very long way to go. An irritating example is our home insurance policy is patriarchal. Every year when the policy comes it is addressed to Kirk, and his name is first on the policy documents, despite the fact that I was the one who initiated the policy in the first place, who went through the coverage with the insurer, and my last name is alphabetically before his. When I asked why it came that way I was dumbfounded to learn that it was not an accident, but that the male name was the primary one on it.
FFS! It’s not the 50’s anymore!
Even in our speech and writing, women are conditioned to soften things, like I did with my title.
“Don’t be abrasive, make people comfortable around you, be approachable, be friendly, smile more….”
How much of that have you heard in your lives, women?
So, the keychain. Back to ‘what to do with it’.
A few years ago I might have carried it prominently at work because I worked with a few pretty patriarchal minded individuals, but I’m largely insulated from the two worst offenders now.
But if there is one place I still am constantly irritated by a patriarchal attitude, it is on the motorcycle.
When we were down in Washington some years back, we have the bikes parked outside the Longhorn Saloon. The place is (or was then) primarily a Harley bar. A fellow rode in and parked a CBR out back and saw us sitting outside with sport rider style leather jackets draped across the picnic table and came over to chat. He smiled at me and said hi, then turned his attention to Kirk and asked if that was his Ninja 1000 sitting out front. Kirk just said “Nope, it’s hers” and pointed at me. The shock on his face was both priceless and infuriating. He had the good grace to shift into embarrassment and apologize and then start talking bikes. His name was Steve and we encountered him many times over the next few years.
But that was just one example.
Once I was out front of our condo, washing my motorcycle, and a guy walked by and said, you must have a lucky boyfriend that you wash his motorcycle for him”
REALLY?!?
I’ve crossed the US border and been greeted by a border guard with “You’re riding a thousand cc sport bike!” (good on you dipshit, you can read numbers!)
I’ve received “That’s an awfully big sport bike for a lady” numerous times.
And just this last season one of three sullen and uncommunicative male riders on the ferry one day who were all looking down their noses at me and the bike I was on, which was bigger and more powerful than any they were riding, was enough of a douchebag to flip my kill switch when I was away from the bike. I noticed so whichever one it was didn’t get his perverse jollies of seeing me unable to start the bike because it didn’t happen.
When, not infrequently, (mostly) men come up to the two of us and stop to look at or chat about the bikes and the question is asked…”Which bike is faster”? I do love Kirk for never hesitating when he points to the Ninja and says “hers”.
A few weeks ago we were down in Washington and two older men sat at the table next to us. There were only two motorcycles out front….and we were two very obvious riders with the gear and helmets at the table, yet one of the men smiled at me and asked me if I liked riding on the back of the bike.
“No, that’s why I have my own”
“OH!, You have your own motorcycle?!?”
“Yes, it’s the white one sitting out front next to the blue one….which is my husband’s”
“Oh, but that one looks really fast!”
Again….FFS! Am I supposed to be on a donkey because I don’t have a penis?
I have absolutely lost count of the number of times that I’ve been asked “New bike?” and the shocked expressions I receive when I say “No, I’ve been riding it for ten years, and yes, I ride it”. To be fair to some of those men, the bike is in very clean condition and does still look new, unless you look closely. So that one I can overlook most of the time.
Happily, those are all really more exceptions to the norm, and they tend to fall into some obvious categories.
But still…the keychain seems best suited for the motorcycle keys in the end….doubtful anyone would think they belong to other than a woman.
I ride alone a lot, and I keep to myself when I do, because….well….all of the above. Me, on that bike, draws more attention that I want, and that’s not why I ride it. I chose it, I bought it, and I continue to ride it after ten years of ownership, because I enjoy it.
There are many excellent, generous, kind, and courteous men that I have met over the almost 15 years I’ve been riding, and I don’t mean to malign them all with a broad paint brush because I’ve had some amazing conversations with some, but some are just so freaking awful and, as a woman, one just has to assume the worst because the worst are the dangerous ones, and women are still more vulnerable, particularly when they don’t fit society’s mould.
Nothing happened to set me off (even that sounds patronizing when I write it), I tried to make a run on the bike, down across the border to pick something up, but the traffic off the North Shore was basically gridlock so I just did a short ride on some less travelled residential roads and circled back home. When I dropped the keys on the counter, the brass caught the light and my eye, and the camera was nearby.
So there you go…..my random mental wanderings for today. Have a great weekend.
