Time stand still (43/3654/2023)

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….if only….just imagine what I could get done if it did….I might even get caught up…for a day….maybe..

~ Rush – Time Stand Still – 1987

When asked about the song’s lyrics, Rush explained that they spent so much time on the road that “You start to think about the people you’re neglecting, friends and family. So the song is about stopping to enjoy that; with a warning against too much looking back. Instead of getting nostalgic about the past, it’s more a plea for the present.”

I can deeply appreciate that, because these days I just don’t have enough time to get the work that I need to do… done. I quipped to someone on Friday, when I was showing as offline but actually working, desperately trying to get on top of the too many things coming at me, that I just need to give up sleep and I might catch up.

It was a joke…

…sort of…

Sleep has been eluding me lately. I’ve always struggled with insomnia and disrupted sleep patterns. Things have been a bit better the past few months because I’ve largely escaped a toxic environment. But the new workload, without taking way the old one, and the lack of any roadmap to help guide me, has seen me start to see old patterns re-emerge.

I’m getting to sleep ok, but then I wake up in the middle of the night and, where I used to be able to get back to sleep in mere minutes….I now lay awake and stressing over various things for an hour, or a few hours, and that sometimes repeats itself a few times each night.

It’s taking a toll.

I think I made a poor life choice. But I can’t bail now because I made a commitment to other people and now I have a responsibility.

Yay!

Tomorrow I have a fun filled day of meetings, one of which is scheduled for me to get my ass chewed out for missing steps I didn’t know existed…because no one gave me that roadmap.

In the larger scheme of things, I don’t care about getting shit on, but I just want to be sure that a few other people don’t pay the price for my unintentional screwup. Unfortunately, at least one person is paying for it, because petty political posturing is on the horizon and he’s an easy target.

Again….Yay!

Yesterday I received an email from a student that successfully made it through one of my courses last year. She wasn’t the top student, she was around the middle, but she reached out after the grades were posted and thanked me profusely for giving her useful feedback and for being compassionate and helpful in a year during which she was struggling with mental health and English as a second language. She thanked me for being encouraging without harsh language, and that my patience with her helped her to keep going. Honestly, I don’t receive many emails like that, it made an impact on me.

The current email started with an introduction and an outline of her history as a student of mine.

I had not forgotten her.

The request asked if I would consider providing her a recommendation for a practicum position working with marine mammals..and the timelines are exceptionally short, in a week in which I have less than no available time.

Another responsibility.

Sure, she’s not my student anymore, but I have come to feel that a former student is a bit of a lifelong responsibility.

And yes, of course I will provide her a recommendation letter because, though not my top student, she communicated well and displayed a personal drive to experience things and to improve herself.

That I will never ignore, that I will always support.

So…more to do, and almost no time to do it.

I think I have made poor life choices.

It’s astounding
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll….