Teetering on collapse

Everything is a balancing act these days, isn’t it?

…..I’m in a funk.

Feeling inadequate is a shitty feeling, and one that I’m all too familiar with. It’s a rollercoaster; one day you’re feeling confident and useful, the next someone does something as seemingly inconsequential as leaving you off a meeting invite and you are left thinking that it’s a clear indication that you are crap at what you do and that you are being passive-aggressively pushed to the sidelines in favour of someone newer and shinier. That it’s obvious to everyone that you don’t belong in your role.

It sucks to have a brain that constantly tells you that you just aren’t good enough at anything you do. That if only you tried a little harder, then maybe you’d be good enough…for whatever.

Logic and emotion don’t always intersect.

And it’s a shitty, self-fulfilling prophecy with a feedback loop when your inner critic is cruel and relentless and makes you feel that you should suck it up because you don’t deserve anything positive anyway.

But…there it is again.

Maybe it’s right, maybe it’s wrong….depending on the day and the circumstances, it doesn’t take much to make the tower collapse in the wrong direction, particularly when you are already feeling at loose ends.

Just one little slight can knock it all down when you feel things deeply but try to show the world that you don’t.