It’s been a rough couple of days

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I bought the necklace because it made me laugh. I wasn’t sure I’d even have the courage to wear it, and certainly never to work.

That changed some time last summer when I reached a breaking point and almost quit work.

The first time I wore it my manager looked at it and said something along the lines of “I’m not sure that’s appropriate for the office”. I think I responded with something along the lines of “It’s just a word“, and my coworker chimed in with “She’s doing you a solid, it’s a good heads up with respect to where her mood is at and how you should proceed.”

Now I wear it in and my manager looks alarmed and I hear him mutter “Oh, she’s wearing the ‘fuck’ necklace…”

So why today?

I am completely fed up with people who won’t do their job (because they think they are above the work), can’t do their job (because they are paralyzed with fear about any potential pushback and so have to have everything validated by someone else so they can at least say ‘so-and-so’ approved the message), or don’t do their job (because they are incapable of doing more than one thing at a time, lack the initiative to try, can’t be bothered to learn anything about the program or what they should be doing, have to ask permission to go to the bathroom first), or don’t know what their job is (because no one has provided them with any useful direction).

I had a rather shitty couple of days to round out the week, am completely fed up with some people around me, blew up on someone (at least received an apology for what he said to precipitate it, but now we have a meeting with a third party to try and resolve probably won’t get resolved because no one has the courage to actually confront the problem, so here we continue to be, going around in angry circles…), and I am back at a breaking point again where I don’t even want to go back to work next week because….nothing…..ever….changes.

“It’s an ‘Action Item'”

Great, someone wrote the problem down so everyone can point at it and say “See? We’re ‘doing’ something.”

Meetings and committees, groups of people who get together and talk about doing things instead of ever actually doing anything at all and, at the end of the day, everyone in attendance can claim that they thought someone else was doing something and everyone else is somehow accountable and responsible, but never them, when nothing actually got done.

I just don’t want to take the necklace off.

It speaks to me, and for me, too often these days.

(31/365)