My mind feels cluttered these days. Cluttered with things that I don’t want to collect. I wish I could clear the junk away and concentrate on the things that really matter the most, but the problem is that the clutter is coming from an external source that is making it challenging to be anything but frustrated and demoralized.
When the individuals that should be supporting you, simply don’t, it’s hard to keep one’s mind a positive space and not let the junk clutter up what should be a clean place. When you ask for transparency and open communication rather than information siloing, and the opposite follows, even worse than before. When you try to field things of importance and receive, at best, silent lack of response to your requests for action. It becomes harder and harder to find the strength to keep engaging in what increasingly begins to feel like an uphill battle, and you can’t help but begin to cast your eyes around to new challenges where perhaps you might be more inclusively regarded.
You start looking around to see what else is out there that doesn’t feel like a growing mound of weight to sift through to try to get what needs to be done, done. Because the stress of all the clutter starts to become unbearable and you find yourself bringing the frustration home; balance skews. You start to feel like you are drowning and there is no lifeguard on duty.
And those causing the chaos are functionally blind to the damage the garbage being dumped is causing, or assume it’s coming from another source.
Because you’ve been told to not have such high standards.
I guess I suck at aspiring to mediocrity.
I should try harder.
Except I’m not supposed to apparently.
