Can’t? Or Won’t! Double standards.

12

May 14, 2014 – I once spent about a month out at the Bamfield Marine Station with a researcher when I was working as a technician for a UBC prof. I was between degrees at the time, and any opportunity to spend time out in Bamfield was a fabulous opportunity.

I loved the guy, he was from Birmingham and we got along well. Well mostly well, sometimes we had some pretty strong disagreements, but they always got worked out, and he was a pretty great dance partner. But I digress.

The accommodations at the marine station were some cabins up at the top of the hill. The physiology lab was at the bottom of the site, on the shore. There were two ways up/down – a steep set of stairs, or a long switchbacked road. The stairs were always faster, unless you were with Ted.

Going down was fine, but it was coming back up at the end of the day that was trying for us both. Ted would curse, mutter, and wheeze all the way up. He’d stop, and make me stop with him, complaining all the while that he couldn’t catch his breath and blame it on the beta blockers he was taking for his heart condition.

Right about now you’re probably thinking I’m heartless that I am not showing compassion.

But wait…there’s more to the story…

We’d make our way back to the cabin and make dinner, and then, with clockwork regularity, we would walk off the site and head into town (such as it is) to the Hook & Web Pub.

The evening would usually start with a couple of beer, probably a couple of games of pool, and then, when the music and karaoke came out, Ted would be up there singing his heart out – he loved Mack the Knife! – or dragging me onto the dance floor – he was a great dancer and I was always a willing partner!

One day, on one of the complaint laden climbs up those stairs, I finally pointed out what seemed obvious to me.

“Ted, explain to me why you can’t climb these stairs without filling my ears with complaints and trying to get me to find a vehicle to drive you up the hill each day, but you can head for the pub and dance your feet off every night? They both require equivalent exposure to exercise, yet only one is wholly disagreeable to you?”

Ted’s response?

“I suppose it’s perception. I enjoy the dancing so unconsciously I overcome it.”

We all have things we don’t like to do for various reasons, but sometimes the excuses we come up with to avoid them ring hollow when we undertake a similarly risky/strenuous/other activity.

I’ve seen the stories of people declaring that they can’t go to work for medical or stress reasons, and then they are punished, perhaps even losing their job in the process, because they’ve gone on vacation or headed off for some pleasant adventure instead of working. Maybe it’s some level of infringement of privacy that your photo was used against you, but if you say that your doctor says you can’t work, don’t head off on vacation and join all your friends at some retreat or some other venue. That just really looks bad and tells everyone that you are just doing what you want to do, and avoiding what you don’t want, it’s using the system that others are staying responsible to.

I had a friend in college who was injured on the job. He truly was injured. He was off for months on Worker’s Compensation. He lost his workers compensation benefits when his picture ended up on the front of the local paper…taking a jump on a local ski hill. I guess he felt better when he was out playing in the snow compared to when he was thinking about going back to work.

Can’t?

or

Won’t.

Too many people interchange those two words. I wish we could just be more open and honest about things rather than coming up with half-truths. If you have decided that you don’t want to do something, own up to the fact that you made a choice, take the responsibility that comes with that decision, and move on. But don’t say that you can’t do something and then go off and do something that proves you wrong because the conditions are the same, it’s just the circumstances that differ.