7-52-2013: Remnants

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February 15th 2013 – These two lions are all that remain of our former favourite pub. Strangely, what was once a restaurant and neighbourhood pub is now a daycare facility.

Some days I wish I could be as stoic as these lions. I’m in a funk after searching for a barrister this morning to receive some documents from a lawyer in Prince George for witnessing and notarizing, setting up an appointment this evening to speak with an accountant about Mom’s terminal tax return, and stopping by a bank to drop off some bills that needed to be paid for Mom’s house. Three months to the day of her death is this coming Thursday, also our wedding anniversary, but I’ll be on my own to deal with it all since the other half booked a twelve day business trip to fall right across it. He will get to stay with family over the weekend while he is out there. I’ll probably take the day off, because I just know it’s not going to be a good day for me.

And then there is Mom’s Estate. I haven’t been able to face getting some of the things done that I should have done already. It’s just been really hard. I still expect that phone to ring on Sunday mornings. And it makes me sad that it never does. I’ve almost been caught with my eyes full of tears several times at work recently. I try my best to bottle things up, but sometimes they leak out, always at poorly timed moments. I’m too emotional for my own good most of the time. That’s one way Mom and I differed so much, she really was a stoic. She did what was needed, when it was needed, and she rarely let her emotions get the better of her, at least publicly. I hardly ever saw her cry, and if she did, it was over quickly.

I wish I had her strength. I wish hurts could just be bottled up and put away. I wish I was better at stoicism. But I was born the emotional one in the family.

And for the record, I really miss the Butter Chicken at Taylor’s Crossing.