(326/366) The most terrible news always seems to come by phone

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November 21, 2012 – This post was supposed to be happy, and it started that way. Then everything went horribly wrong just an hour after I took the photo.

Seems like my days have been full of talking on the phone, and I’m not generally known to be much of a phone conversationalist. I came home at 5pm, and basically didn’t get off the phone until 8:30pm. When I finally got off the phone I looked at Kirk and asked what I should take a photo of. He suggested that since all I’d done since coming home was talk on the phone that perhaps that would be an appropriate subject.

A call to my brother, then the hospital, then on the phone with my Aunt. Then back to my Brother, then my Mom’s friend. Then back to my brother. Then my best friend called. That was definitely the best call of the bunch, because all of the others were gathering information and reporting on my Mom’s condition. And it was another god/bad day.

I called her speech pathologist this morning and discovered that sometime last night Mom decided it would apparently be a good idea to pull out her feeding tube!

She was on the roster to receive surgery to have a PEG tube surgically implanted to get the NG tube out. But something made her think that she couldn’t get into rehab until the tube was out and she could get moving out of bed. The surgery had a free space due to a cancelation, so she got in to receive the tube a day early. When I called the hospital I was told she was not coming out of things well, that she was groggy and tired.

Then my cell phone rang and the doctor told me that I probably would not make it there in time, and that my brother should be called. I was so stunned I couldn’t speak and handed the phone to Kirk to take the rest of it. Kirk called my brother.

Less than an hour later the doctor called again, and my world caved in on me. Kirk took the call, I couldn’t pick up the phone. He had to call my brother before I could call back, I couldn’t make the initial call, I was too weak.

First the stroke, then, because her left lung wasn’t functioning properly, pneumonia that made it into her blood stream. At least that’s what I understand at the moment. There was nothing they could do. My aunt says she was feisty this morning, determined to get out of there.

I loved you so much Mom. The world is a darker place without you in it and I can’t imagine it without you. You could light up a room and could always make me laugh. I loved our phone calls, and looked forward to (roughly) every other Sunday morning for that reason. We had so much left to do, and it seems so unfair that we won’t be able to do it together.

The telephone can carry such happiness, and such sadness.

Margaret Rose Ackerman – 1939-2012. Rest in Peace Mom.