Day 74 – Some Days I Just Wanna SCREAM!

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73/365 (March 15, 2010) –  Welcome to the Ides of March. I’m feeling particularly cranky today. I suppose I’ve been simmering for the past couple of weeks but it’s surfacing again today. I did a rough calculation of how much time I’ve given to one volunteer organization in the past year, and it amounted to a whopping (and conservative) 200+ hours! And instead of anything nice, I’m getting serious attitude because I’m burning out and don’t want to do another 20+ hours to put on a second radio class this spring. It’s Spring! I want to enjoy it!

11 years ago we started volunteering and we both became assistant training officers. We were pushed and prodded to move up towards Commander, but neither of us had any interest so we just stayed put and helped where we were comfortable, in the classroom. I gave up the title of ATO and just decided to proctor each week. Still a fair commitment.

Eventually Kirk became head of the proctors (teaching assistants, if you will) and I was railroaded into building a website and becoming the webmaster (webmistress!). Our nominating committee at the time had a notorious habit of placing people into positions without asking them first. I remember the AGM notice coming around and on it were both our names in positions we had not been asked to take. Mine was particularly interesting since it was webmaster and we had no website. So, I learned how to build websites pretty quick.

Things were added on, we were then expected (never asked, just expected) to help with the Student Cruise, then someone added a new Sunday charting “class” that we were expected to participate in. We were convinced to take the Instructors Training Course. Then someone started a class newsletter (weekly), but he left off doing it after a year and I was asked to take that on too.

About 6 years ago I was asked by a friend in Nanaimo to teach VHF radio and the PCOC to University-College students in two programs. I had to jump through ridiculous hoops to do so outside of my own District and after a rather nasty battle that ensued between my District and the Vancouver Island District that went all the way up to the National level because the other District was telling me to do things that were downright illegal according to the privacy laws, I ended up receiving a contract from Industry Canada to do so. Somehow, that translated into me being the new VHF radio instructor for my own Squadron. I conceded to do it once when our then current instructor couldn’t do a class – and that was the end of that. I had become the default instructor.

And then about a year ago I was railroaded into taking on the role of Publications Officer for the Squadron. And that really was a railroading since the Editor quit and I was the only other person who knew the software he used. The Publications Officer is supposed to put together the 7-8 issues of the public newsletter that goes out to all the members. That person is also supposed to put together the AGM insert, the Change of Watch Program, the New Member’s Handbook, and something or other for the Port Hole. I said I’d do the newsletter – period. At a meeting, we agreed that the New Member’s Handbook should be taken care of by the Squadron Training Officer, Port Hole stuff by the Public Relations Officer, and the AGM and Change of Watch program/notices should be taken care of by the Administration or Executive Officers. So I passed all those files off to those responsible and washed my hands of them. Chasing a half dozen people about for submission to the Squadron newsletter is enough of a hassle, let alone the desktop publishing struggle that follows. I’m starting to understand why our previous editor was so crabby at meetings.

Why I’m cranky right now is because of the radio course. The course has always run twice per year. Last year I was badgered into running a third one at an accelerated pace for a company. That was a nightmare and I won’t do it again. Trying to cram the volume of information into them over the shorter period frustrated all of us and didn’t make for a particularly high quality experience. I didn’t bother doing a course evaluation that time, I knew what it would say – “too much too fast. It was also an overwhelming load to teach back to back.

And now I’m being badgered to do a second course right after I finish this one. I have a very small venue, 5 tables and only seating for three at each table. So 15 students can sit at tables. There are a couple of couches in the back, so a few extras “can” sit there, but it’s not the best situation. And – by some strange math – I was asked to take on 30 – 40 students. Not possible. Not going to happen.

“Run a second class then!” But then I have to give up a total of eight weeks worth of Mondays in a row and put at least 40 hours into prepping and teaching within a two month time frame, plus all the other things I do during that time! No other instructor in the Squadron is expected to do this much! And that’s part of the problem, it’s “expected” of me.  And all I get is emails with attitude because I don’t really want to do another class. Last year someone on our Bridge “expected” me to do another class for the Club members because the Squadron got the room for free. I would have done it only if it would have counted for my required hours for the club too! They see money, I see my life and an excessive request for volunteer time from someone who already puts in a ridiculous amount. If they want more people pushed through, then they have to give me a bigger venue, three extra rooms for break out groups, and about four or five proctors. Otherwise, it’s just not feasible or fair to the students or to me. And the problem is that the proctors have to be recognized examiners since I’ll need them on the final night for exams. Right now I only have two examiners. The radio course is different from other boating courses since it falls under the mandate of Industry Canada and the International Telecommunications Union, and there are requirements for teaching and examining that don’t apply to other classes.

And all the guilt trips and snide remarks aren’t making me want to do even the bit that I am doing. Giving me attitude just makes me want to quit teaching the material altogether.  So in the end I said no to a second class, and got sniped for it at the recent meeting. Others mentioned it afterwards and said they’d noticed it and I shouldn’t worry, because they saw it as poor behaviour towards me. At the end of the day, respect what any volunteer is willing to put into something and don’t get bogged down in “so-and-so is doing more” Then great! Kudos to them, but I don’t feel the need to play ‘keep-up-with-whoever’. I offered what I am prepared to give, respect that and don’t give me guilt trips for my efforts.

“A person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Benjamin Franklin

So I’m cranky. On the way back from the club that I have to go to twice on any day I teach, because I have to pick up the keys, again, something no other instructor has to do, I bought myself some gerbera daisies.

Because gerbera daisies make me smile.

And I need a smile.

Otherwise I’ll scream, and that just upsets the cats.