Some people find it easy to walk away, I don’t. And I’ve spent the past five years wondering how my friend could walk away from a 15 year bond. Hopefully today I was to find out why, and find out what had happened to him in the past year that resulted in a leave of absence from his academic position.
But first breakfast with an old friend who lives in town. She had called me on Thanksgiving while we were on the highway but the call was dropped. I opted to not call her back thinking that in a few days I would wander in to her pharmacy and need some cough drops anyway… and showing up where one is not expected to be is usually rather entertaining. She had been suitably surprised ad we’d scheduled brekkie for Sunday. My Amazon-esque friend picked me up and we had a great chat over a quick breakfast before she had to breeze off on her next adventure for the day. She’s tall and thin, but she’s also short and sweet.
Out to the log house in Beaverly to visit the old lab family. Welcomed in like I had only been away an hour. Again, there was that old familiar loving feeling of being a part of something bigger…of being a part of the Iwamites again. I knew I missed it, but it didn’t occur to me how powerful that bond was. There was that family thing again.
Back to Mom’s for a few more computer lessons on the Mac. And then John called having finished his lunch with friends and calling in the dance card. I zipped down and picked him up and we stopped at Earls for a couple of dark beers (like old times…we’ll get there…. yes we will…).
A bit of chit chat and then down to the nitty gritty on what happened, false assumptions made, apologies on both sides for failing to communicate properly. His mistake was in assuming that after I’d dealt with things over a year or so he would hear from me. His mistake was in not realizing that silence sends a clear message of disinterest. He now knows that what he did caused further damage and made things (in his mind) irreparable.
We had a wonderful heart to heart and found out the challenges each faced in the ensuing years. I think what hit me the hardest was that he said his biggest regret in the past 5 years was that he failed to communicate with me and that this had, in his mind, destroyed any chance of reconnecting. He told me how much he missed me. And I replied the same. And he let me know he had endured some similar politics that I had, and that he had retreated from it in a similar manner and to protect his own sanity and health. He said that it had given him a lot of time to learn from what had happened and to reflect on his regrets.
There were tears and I think the healing has begun.
I drove him out to the airport and we hung out until the place was called for security…and hung out a bit more. We watched another former lab-mate dash in to the car rental return and fly over to the WestJet counter to check in. John stood and said it was time to go, but we promised each other to never let something like this happen again, and he promised that the next time he had an assumption, he would pick up the phone. As he went through security I was crying and stopped to say goodbye to Rob. He seemed disconcerted that I was crying and asked me when I had taken up smoking again…..”Ummmm, never smoked a day in my life”. I have a cold silly. I gave him a last hug, great to see you, have a safe flight…I started to walk away, he stopped and called back across the airport “I Love you too Paige”. That sort of stopped me in my tracks and I turned around and looked as he went through the security. I realized that perhaps he thought I was crying because he was leaving. I thought it a funny story to add to the already rich collection.
When I came home to Mom’s I shut the door and said “Not leaving this house again today!” Until Mom handed me Darbi’s leash and suggested I take her for a walk.
Back for dinner, and then on the Mac to get all the last bits ironed out. But the phone rang. Mom said it’s a Robert for you? It was Rob, back in Vancouver now and apparently stewing on the plane all the way home about those tears. He was worried that I wasn’t OK. Or that something was wrong with my Mom or Dad.
No-no, nothing like that, I told him that John and I had been working out some things and the tears were partially happy tears, but also sad tears for the years we lost. Rob and I chatted for a bit, and he was that same old wonderful caring person I remembered. I realized I missed him too, because he was another personally supportive person who didn’t judge you by normal criteria. And I thought it particularly sweet that he ferreted out my Mothers phone number in Prince George to find me. Not really all that difficult actually. I think my best memory of Rob is the time he called me a bitch in the lab, and then with a big smile on his face said that it was a compliment, he is the only person who ever managed to call me that and make me feel good about it, LOL!
Spent the rest of the evening playing a few games and getting my Mom familiarized with iPhoto and a few other things. So far so good.
So tomorrow I head home. hopefully a better trip that the one up. And hopefully back to a Coast where someone very dear to my heart has returned to my life and where hopefully, he will stay and we won’t have anymore assumption based miscommunications that lead to 5 year heartaches.
So you CAN go home. And you CAN reconnect the dots, regardless of the time, if the bond was strong and worthwhile, it can be rebuilt. And I believe this one has been.
I think I have my buddy back, and that makes me the happiest girl on the planet. There were no accusations, no finger pointing, no judgements. Just honest answers and heartfelt regrets at the loss of time.
But time will heal now that the questions are answered, things have finally been said.
So the week was a success. I managed to attend the funeral and visit friends and family.
I managed to get my Mom’s new computer up and running and I managed to convince her to buy high speed internet.
And I managed to solve an almost five year, very painful, mystery and put back together a friendship that has left the most astounding hole in my heart for the past few years.
It was a worthwhile trip. On so many levels.