Gadgets and Gizmos

7

I’m in a purge mood. I hate it when we build up too much “stuff”. Particularly because we live in a small condo. It always feels like I’ve “cleansed” somehow when I get rid of things that aren’t being used. Today I pulled out the mezzaluna and its board. I think I used it two or three times…and then went back to my big chef’s knife. The knife works well and does many other jobs. The mezzaluna is dead weight.

But it made me think…why do we collect all these gadgets and gizmos?

A few days ago I gave the slow cooker to the Salvation Army. It was a big piece of equipment that got used two or three times a year for making pulled pork. But I realized that I can do the same thing in a Dutch oven…so why do we have this other thing?

Some of the other things that have graced our home over the years…and no longer reside with us….

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Electric sandwich maker. This thing was a gift…and it never, not once, was used. You’d have to cut the crusts off to even use it.

Banana hanger. Took up too much room and really…we needed this …why?

BBQ chicken stand. This thing was stuffed up the butt of the chicken so it could stand upright on the grill. OK, so it worked, but a beer can works just as well and doesn’t need to be stored in the cupboard and adds moisture and flavour.

Meat defrosting tray. Oh yes, this was supposed to magically defrost your food in record time. Total waste and again..why did we get sucked into this one? Put the meat in a ziploc and toss it in a sinkful of water…works just great!

Salad spinner. I know lots of people love these things. And I’ve had two. and I’ve given two away. They take up lots of room and a towel works just as well. I wash the greens, toss them onto a dry towel, loosely roll the towel up and spin it around a couple of times. Voila!

Egg cups. I didn’t eat soft boiled eggs as a kid. So why did several different people give these things to me?

The asparagus pot. Tossed the insert and use the pot for storing kitchen utensils. Yes, what an excellent buy that was. At least it’s still functional for something.

Cheese slicer. Remember these? A wire stretched between what looked like a tuning fork? A knife works just fine. Tossed.

The other cheese slicer. Looked like a short pie server but with a single slot in the middle. You drag it across the cheese and get a nice thin slice. Sort of worked except the slot was always narrower then the cheese and it totally messed up the cheese block.

Inverted crepe pan. You know what? I love crepes. And I do make them. In a little steel omelette pan. And it works great. Those strange upside down contraptions? I don’t get them…and I got rid of the one that someone gave us.

Potato ricer. I get the concept… but a masher works faster and with less cursing.

Garlic keeper. I suppose this would be a semi-useful thing if you only ever had a single head of garlic in the place at a time…but we go through a ton of garlic and a bowl works just fine. So this didn’t last long.

Tortilla press. Used once. Never again. Bye bye. Can you say “rolling pin”?

Fried egg circles. I think I bought these 20 years ago. Never used. Threw them out last week.

Measuring spoons in pinch, dash and smidgen. A gift, and I admit I still have them, but only because they are cute. They certainly have absolutely no functional use.

Deep fryer. Again…a pot and some oil and a thermometer…works just fine. Long, logn, gone.

Juicer. You know the one. A little dish with a reamer sticking up out of it. At best it holds a few tablespoons of juice and you spill it everywhere when you try to move it. No, a reamer or one of those inverted juicers works much better and is easier to store.

Garlic baker. Ummm foil and olive oil works pretty well….. long gone.

Quick chop. This was a glass jar that you put a cut onion into and then screwed the lid on. Built into it was a plunger with two crossed blades at the end The theory being that you wouldn’t end up in tears while cutting onions. More of a pain than it was ever worth.

Hamburger patty maker. Really, was it really so hard to slap a hunk of hamburger between your hands and pat it into a rough circle?

Egg separator. I had this plastic one that just never worked well and I usually did a better job with the broken egg shells. I’m embarrassed to admit that I just bought a little porcelain one that has a groove at the back that allows you to pour out the whites and retain the yolks until needed…. I’ll probably hate it in a month.

Flavour injector. WHAT was I thinking. Long gone!

I have a turkey baster…and I’ve never, ever basted a turkey with it. Instead I use it to suck the juices out of the pan….so not TOTALLY useless.

Creme brulee mini torch. Cute. Never used it for creme brulee…in fact never made a creme brulee. However, we did kill it because it was used so much to start the BBQ!

While it’s not quite gone yet, the egg poacher. I finally made the effort to figure out how to properly poach eggs in a pan of water. Works great, no extra pan and little cups to clean and store.

Colander that spans the sink. Used it a few times. Then it just took up space. So I got rid of it. Ironically, I was looking for it a few weeks ago and Kirk informed me that I had purged it. Oh well.

Vacufresh. We used it for awhile. Then realized that ziploc baggies worked and could be washed and reused a couple of times. 86’d it!

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There are a number of things that I just am completely baffled by…. and have no idea why anyone would want one and I always love when the Christmas flyers come out to see what new and ingeniously stupid gadget is the new “must have”. Ones that I know will never grace our home are:

Electric knife – why…?

Electric griddle – sorry, that’s what we have a stove and a pan for….

Chocolate fountain – these things are so silly!

Electric egg cooker – And exactly WHAT is wrong with a pot of water and a timer?

Bagel slicing kit: can people seriously not cut a piece of bread with a knife?

Strawberry huller – ummm, a small knife, or barring that, your thumb nail?

Iced tea maker? Don’t you just brew a pot of tea and stick it in the fridge?

Apple peeling machine. Sorry, don’t get it. I grew up as slave labour in a fruit orchard and a peeler worked just fine. I still make an effort to peel an apple in one long corkscrew peel with a good old fashioned peeler.

Magic bullet – exactly WHAT is wrong with a real blender?

Food dehydrator – How about oven on low? My Grandpa used to make the most amazing dried cherries…no fancy dehydrator in the house.

Electric can opener – If you don’t have arthritis…I don’t get it.

Garlic peeler – Have you seen these things? A cylinder of silcone that you are supposed to put your garlic cloves in and rub them to get the skins off? This works way faster… cutting board, garlic, knife on top, bang down, slip skin off. End of story.

Electric quesadilla maker – …are you kidding me? Again…a stove and a frying pan?

A hot dog maker? – I hate boiled hotdogs, but seriously, you can stuff the things under the broiler for a few minutes and they taste better than this contraption would make them.

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Wonder what will be in the flyers this holiday season.

What’s your favourite useless gadget?