Something Blue

Seattle generally has great public art installations, many of them transient. This one was in the centre of town, and the colour was striking and captivating.

Blue.

It conveys images of cold, sadness, deep oceans, empty skies. But not usually trees.

Today has been one of those blue day roller-coasters. The skies were not a fabulous empty blue, in fact it was raining for much of the day. I can see the ocean from my office, but because it was raining, it was black rather than blue. So it wasn’t blue for any of those reasons.

After a call from my brother and a discussion about listing Mom’s house, there was certainly an overwhelming sadness, so there was some blue-ness there.

And then there was an email from UBC informing me that they are making full-scale changes to the Continuing Learning program and that all sessionals associated with CTLT will not be renewed in May, and they will be expected to compete for teaching their online courses. Guess I may be done with UBC finally.

I think it’s short sighted for the University to alienate those who teach their upper level specialized courses, and who work in the area that they teach. I don’t really make any money teaching for UBC, nothing that makes any real difference to my annual income anyway. It buys me a few pretty things here and there, a new pair of Fluevog shoes now and then, but that’s it. The students in my courses benefit from having an instructor who is fully immersed in the field, and I can answer real world questions in a real time manner in a subject area that is a bit of a hot topic in our corner of the world right now.

So there is some “blue-ness” there too, because I just haven’t the time or inclination to constantly compete for the courses that I developed for online teaching. I built two of them from the ground up, and I’ve kept the content relevant and current rather than let it stagnate.

The Faculty I am associated with has a history of being abusive to those who try to give the most to it, and it makes me sad that this  history just keeps repeating itself. When I started in the Faculty as a brand new grad student, there was so much energy, so many fabulous students with so many dreams. As time went on, the Faculty dwindled, foreign student entrances slowed to a trickle, and other Faculties predicted its demise. Labs emptied, research groups moved on to other institutions, some researchers moved into other Faculties. The last couple of years I was there, it was like watching a building slowly crumble through decay. On those occasions that I visit, I am saddened by the degradation of what was once a vibrant building filled with energized minds. Now it seems like a minefield of broken dreams, backstabbing sniping, and those just making due until their retirement date finally frees them. I’m not sad I don’t work in the Faculty on campus anymore. But I am sad for those who do. I stopped in to see one of the few people that I still have a personal connection with at LFS, and she was counting her time down with very little positive to say about what is left there. I walked down the halls and peered into some of the labs and classrooms I used to pass through, many of them are piled high with outdated equipment and dusty boxes. Labs that used to be home to bustling graduate students haven’t been used in a long time for anything but storage. Our old lab is quiet, the water long turned off and not home to fish in several years now.

I am bittersweet about the fact that I may finally be ending my online teaching with the University because they have decided to make such significant changes in a less than friendly broad sweep. I feel sad that students that have contacted me in recent weeks about taking my courses int eh summer and fall, may not get that opportunity now. All things have a lifespan, perhaps I’ve reached mine in teaching these courses. Just one year shy of 20 years, so maybe it is time to let it go anyway. It’s become more challenging to find time these days, and I’ve been letting other things go to give myself some breathing room and to more fully allow me to concentrate on my work with SEP and to provide time to live outside of work and volunteering.

I haven’t yet decided if this is a good thing or not, I’m still getting past irritation at bureaucracy. I have sent a feeler to a different Faculty to see if there is any interest in taking the courses under their umbrella, but even if there is interest, maybe it’s time to step away from them finally.

What to do?

Blue.

At least the trees are bright and cheery looking in an otherwise cold and dreary setting.