Day 353 – Let me IN!!!

15

December 18, 2016 – I am NOT an outdoor cat!

What the hell is this shit anyway!?!?!?

Get me out of it and let me IN!!!

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Vancouver really doesn’t do snow well, at all. ICBC offered these tips for drivers when the snow started to fall last week, and they are all great lessons, but Vancouverites are a different breed, particularly when the white stuff falls, they tend to lose their collective brains.

The Vancouver reality, as I see it, is below each…

Consider carpooling – Maybe carpool with a friend whose car is prepared and is a confident driver, or at least wait until the road conditions have improved.

Vancouverite: I can’t wait for someone to come and get me, if I drive 5km an hour I’m quite certain I can get there safely.

Prep your car – Use winter tires or chains for snow and ice, and check conditions for your whole route on Drive BC before heading out.

Vancouverite: Spend money on winter tires? Don’t you know it only snows here once or twice a year, if that? Why would I spend my hard earned latte money on tires!?!

Do a pre-trip check – Check your tire pressure, which drops fast in the cold. Keep the gas tank at least half-full to avoid freezing, and top up your windshield wiper fluid.

Vancouverite: Full gas tank? Have you seen the price at the pump?

Pack an emergency kit – Use an emergency kit for items like blankets and food, in case you get stranded or stuck and have to wait for roadside assistance.

Vancouverite: Covered, I have my earthquake kit all prepared, it can do double duty

Clear snow off your car – Clear any snow off the car’s roof, headlights and wheel wells. If not, this can affect your ability to see and steer when it melts or falls off later.

Vancouverite: I cleared off my side of the window, I can see ahead of me well enough, people behind me can fend for themselves

Drive slow and steady – Avoid sudden movements. Accelerate gently, steer and turn gradually, and brake slowly and early. Plan turns, stops and lane changes early.

Vancouverite: Say whaaaat?

Lights and brakes – Use low beam lights and don’t use cruise control. For standard brakes, pump them gently, for ABS, apply steady pressure. Careful of black ice – Black ice often forms as snow begins to melt during warmer hours in shaded areas. Slow down and keep your distance from other cars.

Vancouverite: But if I keep my distance, someone will squeeze in between me and the car ahead, I hate it when that happens, and then I have to tailgate to display my superior driving skills.

If you start to skid – Slow down and look and steer smoothly where you want to go. Don’t over-steer or brake, this could make it worse. Repeat until you regain control.

Vancouverite: But if I stare at that telephone pole, grip the wheel, stiffen every muscle in my body, and focus really hard on what I want, I’m sure it will move out of the way, because I deserve to have it move, my Life Coach told me if I think positive thoughts then good things will happen!

Dealing with slush – Watch out for ridges of slush that can build up between lanes. Change lanes in the least slushy spot, signal well ahead of time and move slowly.

Vancouverite: He he he, watch me help that guy on the sidewalk catch a slushie wave!”

Highway maintenance vehicles – Use extreme caution around highway maintenance vehicles, including plows, salt and sand trucks. Never pass on the right.

Vancouverite: Doesn’t that idiot in the salt truck know I’m in a hurry, why doesn’t he get out of the way when I am right on his ass and clearly late for work! Maybe honking my horn and veering side to side will get his attention and encourage him to get out of my way.

Have an emergency plan – If you get stuck, stay calm and with your car for safety. If it’s an emergency, call 911. Otherwise, call for roadside assistance.

Vancouverite: Plan B – Abandon vehicle in the middle of Hastings street and let other drivers fend for themselves. Hey, I’m making everyone a better driver by creating an obstacle course for them!