December 13, 2012 – With Kirk’s help, we managed to get cards done. I don’t know how, under the circumstances, but it’s done.
It took three evenings of cutting, gluing, ribbon tying, writing, stuffing, licking, and addressing. And maybe, just maybe, they will get to their mailboxes in time for Christmas and I won’t feel like a total seasonal failure. But it was hard because a number of them had to include a folded copy of Mom’s memorial card because there were those who either didn’t know, or couldn’t attend. And that was difficult and resulted in some new tears as I wrote in the cards.
Christmas is always stressful for me. I want to do everything right, but this year it’s hard to do anything. If it wasn’t for Kirk, I don’t think anything would be done at all. It would be too easy for me to just dig into a hole and try to ignore the world and just hope the season would go away. but he’s somehow managed to pick me up and keep me moving.
Today there was a Christmas luncheon at work, a Branch holiday celebration and I wanted to bail out. But it’s hard when everyone around me was going and everyone is so concerned about me. I appreciate it, I really do. I work with the most caring group of people and I love them all. And they all know it’s a difficult time of year. So I went. I didn’t have the interest in joining in on some of the silly events – a paper snowflake competition, and an ugly sweater contest – but a potluck lunch is always inviting.
I thought maybe I could slip out before the speeches and awards, but I didn’t manage. And it turned out to be a good thing that I didn’t, because my name was called by the Director of the Program. I was called up to receive an award for my Program contribution for leadership and coordination of a disease surveillance program with another Agency, and for my ability to educate, liaise, coordinate, and make a program, that could have been a nightmare, run smoothly. That was a surprise, particularly as I didn’t find it all that difficult. In fact it was rather fun to try to educate all sides of the program on why and how things could work, and be out in the field helping make it run smoothly. I didn’t think it deserved an award, or even any recognition. but it was appreciated. I was just doing something I enjoyed doing.
So home, and several hours finishing the bulk of the cards and getting them ready to go. One step closer to catching up, but so much left to do yet. A few fishery related items, a ton of University marking to do (final reports and final exams), and then there are still the gifts that have to be sent out of town that still need to be purchased, wrapped, and sent. And then I might be able to get to the other things that are hanging over my head, the volunteer things that I am thinking I might need to let go of, because I am becoming overwhelmed and unable to meet the demands, and the fun is evaporating.
But that’s a decision for the New Year.
For now, I just need to try and survive this Christmas.
One step at a time. One day at a time.